One More Heartbeat

Next month will be my 28th birthday. That’s twice my students’ age, half my parent’s age, and maybe, just maybe, a third of my life.

When it comes to parenting, my heart hurts sometimes because, as a teacher of various ages (and a human being), I’ve tasted the sweetness of loving a child and how precious these young souls are. What a privilege it must be to be a parent. They’re the elite. I don’t want to join the elite when I’m old. I didn’t want to be an old man when my kids graduate college. But God has seen fit to dash our preconceived notions of what life should or would be like.

I’m a man of much vision but little time. Yet I see God bringing to pass His purposes in my life. He is fulfilling the callings and desires of my heart; he’s just not being too terribly quick about it. Still I wonder if I’ll be like David who dreamt of building a temple for the Lord. Though God was pleased with his heart, ultimately Solomon was the one who brought his father’s dream to fruition.

In the latest issue of Relevant Magazine there is an article I’ve been putting off reading until just the right time. Tonight I read it and wept. I don’t know the last time I’ve been so moved by a piece of writing. It was simply the firsthand account of this guy facing the death of his mother. She had been sick for a while and was now in the hospital on life support. She had previously made her wishes known that she didn’t want to be kept alive artificially if it came to that. The article tells of the day when the inevitable caught up with the family and they had to say their goodbyes. Besides stirring in me emotions of what it might be like for me to lose my own loved ones, the article made me think about how very short life is. I really am not guaranteed one more heartbeat.

Each moment is a gift from God–such an honor, such a treasure, yet such a weighty responsibility. I’m alive. I exist. I have dreams. I have talents. I have to answer to my creator when it’s all over. I know that I can’t do it all. As with David, it truly is the heart that counts. It may be enough just to want to.

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