A Letter to Little C

I got home after work and your mom was cooking dinner, that delicious weight watchers chicken dish that has actually turned out to be one of my favorites. On the kitchen table were a plain black gift bag and a card. I immediately assumed that one of your mother’s coworkers had given her a gift that day. But I wasn’t sure what the occasion would have been. I asked her about it and she said it was for me. Hmm. I opened the bag first and discovered inside a white and green baby outfit with “I love you Daddy” on the bib.

Until that moment, I wasn’t sure how I’d react when that news finally came. (Finding out that you’re a daddy is a life-altering newsflash!) It was happy news. But I was a bit in disbelief. I kept asking your mom, “Are you sure?”

I remembered back to the one science class I took in college. In lab I learned that, since test results vary, it is best to take many measurements in order to ascertain the most accurate results. A fact is not scientifically viable unless it can be tested repeatedly and render like results. Our instructor required us to take at least three measurements per experiment in order to be sure of our findings. With this in mind, your mother showed me not one, not two, but three home pregnancy tests. One had a faint red line, not exactly inspiring certitude. But the other two were unmistakable; they read: “pregnant.” I was very likely a daddy!

I was optimistic, but I was not certain. Your mom had already scheduled an appointment to do a urine test at the doctor’s office the next morning. I went with her. Theoretically, the test would confirm what the home tests already indicated. As we sat waiting I wondered how I would console your mother if the test turned out to be negative. Her heart was so happy to finally be a mommy! Finally, a nurse walked up to us and gave us the news. She put her hands on our shoulders and said, “I’m sorry. The test was negative.” You mom was disappointed, and even a little confused. We were hoping for more certainty and what we got was mixed messages. But, like I said, scientifically a fact cannot be confirmed (or disconfirmed, for that matter) with just one test; one needs two or three for reasonable certainty. So I tried to comfort your mom by reasoning that the strong likelihood was that, with a missed period and three positive home tests, it was just too early for the proper hormone levels to be detectable in the urine test. We scheduled an appointment to take the test again a week later. If it were to show up negative again, a blood test would be ordered for more definitive confirmation either way.

On July 22, 2009, on her morning break, your mom went down the street to our local clinic and took the urine test again. By the time she had gotten back to work she had gotten an email notification on her cell phone that her results were in. She quickly logged in online and found out that she indeed was pregnant! She texted me with the news. I brought home a beautiful bouquet of flowers for her that night. Now that we knew for sure that you were there, we had to call you something. Since our last name starts with “C,” I started calling you “Little C.”

Almost three weeks later, we went in for our first official doctor’s appointment. The OB/GYN asked the standard questions and did the standard tests. Then, the ultrasound revealed to us your heartbeat for the first time!  You were only 1.24 cm (Crown Rump Length), but you had a strong heartbeat and were developing normally. Your length also revealed your gestational age to be 7 weeks and 3 days. It was still hard to believe, but there was no way to deny: I was a daddy!

As the weeks have gone by, morning sickness and a growing belly are just some of the added confirmations that your mom really is pregnant. Now as I write this, three months later, I cannot wait to hold you and see you face to face!

One of the reasons I married your mom is because I trust her. And when she told me she was pregnant I believed her. She had good reasons to believe she was: a missed period and three home pregnancy tests. And because I believed her I expected to see the same results at the doctor’s office the next day. But that did not happen. The professional, and presumably more reliable, test yielded results at odds with the knowledge we already had. It was enough to make us think, but not enough to make us disregard the prior evidence. If your mom was not pregnant there had to have been an alternative explanation. But, given the facts, pregnancy was the most likely and reasonable one. We would have to rule it out before seriously entertaining any other possibilities. As it turned out, further testing did indeed confirm what we already knew, giving us the confidence to tell the news to your grandparents. And when we finally saw you for the first time in your mother’s womb, there was no room for doubt: we had a baby! We had you! And now it is only a matter of time until you are born and can see us too.

Little C, my hope is that you will put your trust in God and His Word and love the Lord with all your are. At first, you may trust Him because you trust your mother and me. We have both walked with God for some time now. We know that His word is true and living for Him is a joy. He has blessed us in undeniable and specific ways. So you can trust God based on our experience and testimony as your build your own relationship with Him. But you may hear from people who are otherwise trustworthy, intelligent, and may even be experts with credentials, that the things we pass on to you about God are false, fabricated or fantasy stories. People may attempt to discredit and devalue your knowledge of God. If they come to you with genuine objections and honest disagreement, hear them out and consider their arguments. But never let a mere progenitor, pastor, priest, philosopher, physician, psychologist, professor, performer or any sort of Ph.D. trump a lifetime of faithfulness and a two millennium tradition of well-founded Christian thinking. If someone has a good question, find a good answer. If you face legitimate doubt, stand on what you already know to be true. Contend for the faith. Pass it on to others as we are passing it on to you.

Your faith in God will grow, from simple and innocent to sophisticated and confident, as God grants you glimpses into the heavenly realms. There will be times when the beautiful intricacy of biblical truth will shine in your mind as a glorious cathedral of thought, times when the Spirit of God supernaturally empowers you, and times when He moves you to show compassion to a lowly one in need. There will be guidance and blessing and, in challenging times, both pain and consolation. And at these moments when you behold God’s kingdom invading this present age there will be no room for doubt: Christ is alive in you! And if He lives in you now, you know that one day you will see Him face to face. And it will be worth the wait.

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